the applause of Heaven....

So, yeah, it's my birthday today. I just think of it as being another day older and this day just happens to mark an anniversary.... ha ha. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go out to dinner with my small group from church... and yet, it's too early really, so I'm wasting time on here.....

This morning we had our first WO - Women's Only Bible Study (for youth) before school.... and part of me was thought, "6am on my birthday!!??" And part of me thought, "Wow. If these girls want it that bad I need to be there. What an opportunity."

So - on a whim I decided that we should study Timothy and Titus. And today in all my rushed- I -can't-belive-time-goes-this-fast-THIS-early-in-the-morning fluster... well, let's just say at least we got through 1 Tim 1. Basically, we talked about the hope Paul gives us. If He could be saved and used so greatly by God with his track record.... wow, maybeGod can change me and use me to do things in a mighty way too. Well, not even maybe, He can.

So - yeah - birthday dinnner - I HATE it when people come out and sing for birthdays. Well, not really all birthdays - just mine. It's awkward and if I had panic attacks - I imagine the way I feel when that happens is exactly what a panic attack feels like.

I compare it to the drop of a roller coaster. Some people LOVE it. They thrive and get all pumped on the drops. I however, I like clench my jaw and stop breathing. My entire body tightens up and freezes. I just want it to be over and wonder why I even got on the stupid ride b/c I know I don't like roller coasters.

Why does it effect me like that?
Good Question.

If I really had to think about why - and I really felt like I did today.... I guess it's cuz God changes people.

Before I became a Christian I LOVED being on the stage - Laughter and Applause were my gods. I did Children's Theatre in college (after getting "saved") and well, it seemed different b/c when little kids clap - they do it out of excitement and not knowing what else to really do with themselves - Not to glorify what they are clapping for.

So I think I figured it out. Applause (and I guess birthday singers too...) are like glory. And it just feels really wrong inside me to recieve glory... The Gloria Patri sings, "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost." Not to Teri.

See, God changed me.
And I didn't even realize this part of it til, like, well, a long time after.