the only one that can help

I saw a film last week based on the story of the slain missionaries in Ecuador back in the 1950’s but all my thoughts were fairly uninspired. I was the one child that couldn’t stomach Sandy Duncan playing Peter Pan when I was little- Sandy Duncan was a girl. Peter pan is supposed to be a boy. As far as I was concerned – they changed the story and it made me angry.
While a lot of the message of the sacrifice of the missionaries and the amazing story of forgiveness couldn’t be denied by the film…. The movie didn’t make it pop. Somehow it didn’t really drive it home. Afterwards I did a lot of reading about the film online and found out they made the 2 leads "composite characters" as not to confuse the audience with too many characters. And the most powerful scene in the film – Never happened. It was totally contrived. It really frustrated me. A lot like Sandy Duncan did.

Two days later I went back to donate blood. Three weeks earlier my interviewer put me in a panic over my iron levels and told me I needed to come back and try again in three weeks. She said that if my iron levels were still that low – I really needed to see a doctor about it. Apparently - I have learned since I went back the second time – my iron was low for a pregnant lady or a woman who wanted to give blood – but NOT for my own personal iron level. (I am VERY not pregnant!!) My nurse the first time appears to have sort of changed the story. She didn’t tell me the whole thing! Needless to say, I was relieved. However, I was also a little frustrated by that first nurse.

Giving blood doesn’t make me feel strange at all. But I obliged them. I sat that the table and drank my juice. I even ate some pretzels. While I just sat there staring at the wall – and nurse said, if you feel fine you are free to go. I went. I ran some errands. I picked up lunch. I stopped for a prize promised to a Sunday School class…. I was hungry. So I took a bite of my lunch and a sip of a drink …

I began to back up… and turn out of the spot… CrAsH!! What was that noise? Oh my goodness… it was my bumper… hitting a pole I forgot I was parked next to. Oh no. It’s definitely been KNOCKED off my car… holding on for dear life by one screw. Now I know, when you give blood, they tell you no heavy lifting, drink lots of fluids, and to take it easy for the day. I’m not sure they mentioned wrestling bumpers … no, I don’t recall any rules about that. So there I am… in the parking lot…. Pulling, twisting, tugging. Families are pulling in the lot… going inside… coming back out and leaving. There are plenty of stares from the literal hundreds of cars driving by. Every patron to this same shop I was trying to leave and staring as well. There isn’t one word except my quite plea – Please, just come of. Please.

Then I hear this voice, "M’am, are you okay? Do you need any help?" It’s the high school girl that just checked me out at the register. She’s next to me checking out the situation… tugging along side me. She even went inside to get a screwdriver, to no avail of course. She helped me pull off the bumper and shimmy it into my car. I thanked her over and over. She said she was just glad I was okay.

Then it hit me as I drove my clunker back to Bethel Park. THAT story will never change.
We get ourselves into some pretty ridiculous situations. Most people will strain to watch you wreck… but they will keep on going by. The ONLY person that will always be there to help you is the guy that already served you. His name is Jesus.

I certainly DO NOT have the luck of the Irish. But I do have a relationship with the Savior of all of mankind. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble- Psalm 46:1. I thank God for that.

That was the article I turned in for the March newsletter at church - but there have since been some fun developments....

Whenever you have damage to your car and you go the route of Insurance companies - there is that sigh of relief that you only pay the first so much of the whole cost of the repairs... You find relief until you realize how much that deductible still is. Ouch.

So I had to eat some humble pie, and even as an adult... I needed to call in the 'rents for help. Lots of help. I wasn't sure that they were even in positions to help... but I had to try. Dad forgot to give me something at Christmas.... a stack of savings bonds - ALL in my name - worth, at face value, much more than my deductible. Wow. My parents don't even have to dip into their resources... I had what I needed all along, and it just took a little humilty to discover it. God's pretty cool like that. just breathe. and if you need help - ask.

Smelt It! Smelt It! You've got STEEL!

Did anyone catch Mo Rocca's Duper Bowl Media Day Report on the Tonight Show?

Maybe it's because I live in Pittsburgh, but good glory, I was rolling!

He tries to tackle Chris Grey of the Seahawks - who walks away with Mo hanging off of him.

He interrupted Steeler, Alan Faneca's interview with "You're an offensive lineman, can you say something offensive right now?" ha. Alan looked confused and gave him a, "Get the hell out of here." ha ha ha.

He asks Chukki Okobi if his friends at his regular job get a kick out of seeing him play football on tv... HA HA! Chukki tells him he works at the Auto Bath House in Monroeville.

He's got the Seahawk's Robert Pollard crying that he's going to die next year because the average lifespan of the Seahawk is 20-25 years and Pollard is already 24.

Bryce Fisher of the Seahawks is being interviewed and Mo interrupts...
Bryce: People think that just because it rains a lot in Seattle we must not have tough guys...
Mo: Actually it rains more in Pittsburgh than Seattle. Pittsburgh has an annual precipitation of 40 inches, Seattle only has 38."
Bryce: Wow.
Mo: Sure. It's just that Seattle's is more disperses as a steady drizzle over the whole year where as Pittsburgh's comes as fits and starts. Pittsburgh also has the most public staircases in America. 700.
Bryce: Wel...Wha... You need to be on Jeopardy.
Mo: Let's talk about the osprey. It has a wingspan of 5.5 feet.
Bryce: Wel.. he he.
Mo: It's also got a white belly and it's got reversible outer toes. And it's got closeable nostrils so that when it dives in the water for its prey it doesn't end up drowning.
Bryce: That was... I did not know that.
Mo: If you need anymore information on the Seahawk aka osprey, I've got this book here, page 96. Please, take your time with it.

Reportedly, he interrupted a similar interview with Maurice Mann... & brought up the 700 stairs again...
Mo: Pittsburgh has more public stair cases than any place in America -- are you intimidated?"
Maurice: "I don't think so. Is that true?"
Mo Rocca: "I looked it up. That obviously means that the Steelers have stronger glutes, which should give them an advantage on Sunday."
ha ha ha ha.

Then we catch Mo bumping chests with Jerome Bettis' mom... after asking her about Steeler touchdown dances.

Rocca also asked several Seahawks "Which would hurt more -- losing to Pittsburgh or sitting on the Space Needle? " Players would grimace - and most said losing to the Steelers.....

Rocca ran his fingers through Grant Wistrom's coveted golden curls.

Mo also wrote a cheer for each team...
"The Seahawk is another name for the osprey;
it's got a wingspan of 5.5 feet,
ChaREEP! ChaREEP! SEAHAWKS!!!"

Somehow, he managed to get the Seahawks kicker, Josh Brown to sing it with him.

& having saved the best for last... there's his Steeler's cheer:
Steel is an alloy
of Iron and Carbon!
You can add nickel,
or manganese!
Smelt It! Smelt It!
You've Got STEEL!!!

i just work here

i'm not sure it's okay to admit this outloud in the town of steel, but football season just really frustrates me.

As a youth leader, attendance plummets right around Thanksgiving and stays low through the New Year due to family and social obligations - at Sunday School, at Youth Group, at church.... And then there's football season. The city and all of it's suburbs go nuts. Church needs to let out early... people leave early or don't even come on game days.... ??!!??!!

Now I can't say I'm not excited at all that the 6th placed Steelers made it to the Super Bowl and Jerome Bettis gets to play in his hometown and Big Ben got to keep his promise to Jerome... yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all warm and fuzzy.

HOWEVER - I get these crappy numbers at youth group.

Now - one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever been given about youth ministry is that attendance isn't personal. It's almost NEVER personal when a kid doesn't come. So I have gotten to the point where I don't take it personally and I don't get so discouraged by it.

But let's consider the nature of Youth Ministry. I've been writing character references out the ying yang this year - personal stories about how I've seen this kid or that kid grow and blah blah blah. I'm happy to do it for each student that asks because it's such a personal thing... The mission trip revelations, the long rides back from events, the chatter over a meal because it's been too long since we just got to talk, the IM and phone conversations for advice and updates... it's all personal.

I've been struggling internally for over a month - if the entire nature of my job is to get personal with students, when does attendance become personal?

Just recently we put out the announcement that there wasn't regular youth group because of a concert. Not that many kids wanted to go to the concert, which surprised me a little, but it wasn't personal. The day of the concert - some of the students that were actually going backed out and we found replacements. The concert was sold out, of course someone else wanted their seat.

So there I am, trying to get a drink in fellowship and get to the other end of the building for a meeting. You know how it is. It should take 45 seconds but people keep making their way into your line of motion and need to say or ask something.... 10 minutes later, I really need to get to that meeting. And one of my students that backed out for what seemed like a really silly reason to me jumps right in my path... I can't even tell you what she said to me... but I said, "I don't know. I just work here." And the student, unbeknownst of my inner struggle for more than a month, sarcastically says, "Yeah, you don't have relationships with any of us or anything. You just work here." And I say, "Sure does seem like it sometimes." OUCH. why? ugh. Why do I say things like that??!!

We just did this trust fall illustration the other week at youth group - where I picked a kid to fall because of our relationship. I knew he totally trusted me to catch him if I told him that I could. I knew that his second fall from a higher place (a chair) - even though he was doubting how this would all work out, because of our strong relationship, he still trusted me. I can see God's fingerprints on a lot of the kids I work with. I can see the calling he's placed on a lot of their lives... and regardless of every sensitivity training course I have ever taken or taught - there a lot of kids I couldn't bear to only ever side-hug.

So where's the line? When do ski trips, steeler games, dance rehearsals, play practices, sports, movie nights, family dinners and all the likes - when do they come in second? When I see kids attendance drastically dropping and I can see their personal walks becoming stunted why isn't that personal? If everything we do is so personal - how is a rejection of that for other immediate priorities not personal? And when does it become personal?

I mean, there really have been a lot of days in my recent past when I've wondered about these things and I really do think, "Maybe, I just work here."

500 years in the future

I kept reading about the film Serenity in other blogs... basically- 500 years in the future, people are living on many new manmade planets, China & the USA are the only 2 present world powers to survive - and the corrupt Alliance government discovers the implications of trying to rid the universe of sin. It works out about as well as it sounds like it might...

The movie didn't blow me out of the water... but it made me think. And it intrigued me enough to check out the cancelled tv series it was based on - Firefly. In a matter of 3 days I watched the whole DVD set. I know, I know, I'm a nerd. I admit it. But my thoughts are really saturated in this idea right now.

Joss Whedon (the creator) seems to have taken this idea of future earths - and stuff he really likes from history (as it will still be history in 500 years) and wrote about these interesting 9 characters living & working together on a spaceship. In the middle of watching Serenity I thought, "it's like they're space pirate cowboys." We didn't know the whole bit about Chinese culture yet.

They also toy with the idea of professional "Companions" being a really respected status of society??!! There are still whores out there - but respectable "Companions" are in "The Guild." And even with a Companion on their ship - they spend a lot of time in the series discussing the value of women - that they are not anyone's property... I find it was interesting they thought that might still be an issue in 500 years.

BUT then... after they visit a whorehouse to help defend the women that work there (friends of the Companion on their ship) there is a sad funeral sequence... and they sing Amazing Grace. Hmmm, will we still be singing Amazing Grace at funerals 500 years from now?

Sunday in Church the Pastor was talking about worship songs... more importantly his favorite hymn - A Mighty Fortress is Our God. He loves the words Martin Luther wrote. But even more - he loves that Luther took a bar song - a song instilled in the hearts of the people, and reclaimed it by adding lyrics that bring glory to God. He talked about how Chris Tomlin (the love my life hasn't yet had - ha ha ha) does something really similar - well, to the best of my knowledge we don't really have drinking songs here in the States in this day and age - and if we do that's never been what's inspired CT.... but Chris composes music that stirs the hearts of present generations and adds Scripture saturated lyrics - you can't sing his music without worshipping the God of the Universe.

Oh, did I mention Chris will be in town Sunday? I am so excited!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

staples

yeah - ever see or read about those silly home repair accidents and wonder - WHAT KIND OF IDIOT does that?

Alright, alright, there was no trip to the ER or anything.... But I did manage to get so excited to use my staple gun for the 2nd time since I bought it, I forgot it's one of those reverse grip kind, held it the wrong direction and shot the staple through my own finger instead of it's intended home on the back of a photo frame.

good glory. Apparently I'm that kind of idiot.

what was i thinking.

And they let me take kids to workcamp??

ugh. Perhaps a little TLC from Dr John Dorian will make me feel better. At least I'll be laughing - at someone other than me.

sore

Even before I knew about Jesus or where I stood with God, even before that one year in high school when Dad flippantly asked me if I knew why we celebrated Christmas... Mom and I would watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

My whole life I just thought Linus talked funny - but the King James version of the Bible really says - sore Afraid.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. LUKE 2:8-9

go figure. i was sorely mistaken.

Consideration?

So maybe I'm the slowest person on the planet... However it's probably because I've been "off" and home for too many consecutive hours and I'm getting cabin fever.

Recently it's really started to bug me that tv is interrupted by commercials every 10 minutes now and no longer at the quarter hour. Is it really that much more expensive to air shows on tv?

And something else that's annoying... at the end of shows - a lot, not all, of them no longer say, "Closed Captions provided by..." and cut to commercial. Rather, they tend to say, "Closed Captioning and other considerations provided by..." (i told you it was cabin fever)

Is it really a consideration if you are doing something you should have been doing all along? Not everyone is hearing, not everyone is seeing. Is it being "considerate" to follow codes and specs to make buildings wheelchair accessible? Or is just what you're supposed to do?

Just a thought that's been spinning around in my head and making me agitated...

sigh. the virgin movie, version 2.0

This is the abridged version of a previous entry - shortened as not to appear in google searches of what other people might be looking up. I just don't want to deal with anymore not nice anonymous comments from people obviously not in my youth ministry or the Youth Ministry Web Ring.

Short version:
I kind of hate to give this movie more attention. But I felt I needed to see what the heck everyone was talking about. NOT THAT MUCH. I mean for real, it wasn't that funny.

There are a lot of us in the world, and particularly in my line of work, waiting until we get married. I was concerned about what this movie might have to say. The main character, Andy, has kept up with a lot of childhood hobbies in lieu of becoming sexually active... And the movie starts with him being slightly freakish and ends with him becoming more and more normal as his friends from work all deal with the consequences of their choices and sexual behaviors. See, for Andy, it just never happened. He got older and more nervous and more wierded out and it just never happened. Andy appears to not have made this a choice in his lifestyle... but some people CHOOSE to wait... that's all I was trying to say.

Andy only decides to make his confession after he has totally freaked out his girlfriend and ends up in a bike accident in the middle of the highway. He comes to this epiphany that he's always thought maybe something was wrong with him... and now he realizes he was just waiting for her. Then, surprisingly to me, they still don't sleep together until they get married. I thought it was an interesting choice and even a quasi-redemption for having sat through the rest of this really long movie littered with foul language.

So then I included a few links that I'll still put in this entry...

Pam Stenzel

xxxchurch.com

Lakita Garth

And I will still encourage anyone to read and think about the questions posed regarding the film here. This particular reviewer raises some great points.

I saw this film and composed the original version of this blog in the wake of two Christian friends getting married right before Christmas. It was beautiful. Something about that kind of wedding just makes the world seem not so crazy. For a few hours you get to see what it's supposed to be like, and it gives you hope.

Happy Holidays??!!??

I was in the car with my 'rents on the way to Grandma's house when my StepDad got on a rant. And he had this crazy idea that if people want/have to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas - as not to offend anyone - then everyone who doesn't believe in Jesus should have to work on Christmas Day b/c they don't have anything to celebrate. Why should they be off and every store be closed? Trust me, that was the abridged version. So then today I was blog scrolling and found this... HA HA HA.

For My Conservative Friends:
Here's wishing all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

ANDFor My Liberal Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform a

Changed for Good

Okay, so maybe you don't know the song from "Wicked." The show is coming to Pittsburgh in a month, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to see it or not...but I would love it if I got the chance. Basically, it's the story of the Wicked Witch before Dorothy and her house land on top of her. She and Glenda (the good witch) were roommates at Wizardry School - they were even friends. And at one point they sing -

"Who can say
if I've been Changed for the better? ...
because I knew you......
I have been changed for good."

I've been coming back to this soundtrack over and over... it's really good music and a great story about how things are not always black and white when it comes to who is good and who is bad, especially since Elphaba (the "wicked" witch) is actually green - ha ha.

But yeah, so my kids introduced me to the music and I've been listening and relistening and chewing on this idea - that we don't always change people or get changed by people for the better - but each person that does come into and shares in our lives changes us indefinitly.

I'm staying with my parents for Christmas - and I have to wait for my car to get out of the shop to go back home to Pittsburgh tomorrow... and I decided to check out the Youth Ministry WebRing.... just browse around and read some other folks thoughts.... and I found this blog entry.

And of course it got me to thinking. I got me to thinking about a girl from the summer camp I used to work with. Actually, she was my friend's camper, then she was my camper, then she was an assistant counselor when I was on administrative staff a gillion years later... Point being, I watched her grow up. She totally changed friends towards the end of her high school years, and ended up being in the worst possible place at the worst possible time. She leaned forward at a party and took a bullet intended for someone else. It was tragic. It was hard. And oddly enough, I was just talking about it with a friend before Christmas.

So today I was reading this guy's blog... and he's talking about losing a student and trying to figure out how she got away from their ministry. Did she reject them or did they not persue her hard enough? Was the invitation clear and she said no thanks? Or was the invitation cloudy and she passed because it didn't make sense? Was it her or them? There is SO much that we will never know.

BUT the writer mentions an opportunity he had to speak with her and hear about her life two weeks before her death. What a blessing. She may not have been around the Youth Group for a while - but she still took the time to talk with him about her life. She could have pretended not to see him and walked on by... I certainly have kids that do that to me when I'm at the high school. But she didn't do that. She stopped and chatted. And I have had kids do that with me as well. Do I miss them in the ministry setting of our Youth Group Meetings or Sunday School class? Of course! But I'm still joyful that to see them outside of our church walls. And I'm always blessed by their hugs and short anecdotes of where life has them these days. There are kids that don't ever become what we wanted them to be - but it doesn't mean we didn't have any impact on their lives at all. We can change them for good without changing them for the "better." That's the whole thing with tending the garden. We can do great things and still witness no growth... growth is not our job. Tending and Caring for is.

In the middle of all we know about how her life changed - we can not know about her relationship with God. We don't know the desires and cries of her heart. We don't know the conversations she had with God when she lay in bed at night. We don't know about those last few moments of life and what was clear to her in those moments. We don't know what she absorbed and beleived to be true from her time in the Youth Ministry. We have no idea what she clung to from her one on one times with different adults in the ministry either. That can make us sad or angry. Or it can give us hope because we know that God is bigger and more full of grace and mercy than we could ever imagine.

There is a lot I don't know about my camper. And I was sad. And I was hopeful. And I was angry for a bit because I asked God for a specific sign and he did not answer me. Much like the writer of that blog.

In time I truly came to believe that God did not answer me on purpose. Of course - it is God after all, and I think he does everything for a reason. I know there are times he says yes, and times he says no, and times he wants us to wait. And usually when I think he didn't answer at all - He did answer, just not on my terms or the way I was expecting. But perhaps, when it comes to people passing away there are things we need to not know. There are questions we must not have answered as not to get to cocky with where we are or arrogant in our knowledge. We need to be reminded that He is God and we are not. He is the sustainer of life and we are just instruments of His peace.

That off my chest, I need to make some calls about my car. And I need to get to Old Navy before they sell clear out of all those great PJ pants.

Peace Y'all.
I hope you had a Merry Christmas.